One of the greatest challenges during any post-relationship, friendship, situation, etc., is wishing the other person well. And meaning it. Deep in my psyche and soul, I know wishing the best for another person is the right thing to do, both for me and the other human. However, it sure isn’t easy. It’s not like I don’t want the person to be happy and healthy. I want everyone to be happy and healthy. However, I want that other person to realize the error of his ways. To feel a few regrets. He doesn’t even have to express them to me; I just want him to feel that tinge of if only things had ended differently.
Throughout all my reading on the nature of forgiveness and moving on, through my contemplation and self-reflection, I still can’t get over that little bump in the road. That little bump he created by moving on without worrying about my forgiveness. I admire that on some level. He seems to be the one who has truly transcended what happened between us. Then again, he always has. I’m the one who wanted a truce, some kind of understanding between us. I’m pretty sure he just doesn’t care. Male and female differences, perhaps? That would be a nice and easy explanation.
I suppose it would be sufficient to wish someone well without being happy for him. I’ve always thought the whole, “I’m happy for you” thing was a repressive denial. Of course you’re not happy for the person… Yet that doesn’t mean you can’t wish him or her well. Knowing that you’ve achieved a certain level of acceptance and are doing this for you, that’s really all that matters. We all have to fight our own battles, wrestle with our own demons, move on in our own way. Let the other person do the same.
I dabble in Buddhism, only because it is the one religion that makes the most sense to me. The concept of acceptance is powerful. You don’t have to agree with the outcome. Rather, you accept reality for your own sanity and well-being. I see this as being rational, not deluding yourself. Oh, but the work you must put in to get to the point of true acceptance. I’m getting there, day-by-day.
This leads me to another point. Every person has his or her own timeline. We don’t all come to the point of acceptance at the same speed. You’ll know when you’ve reached that point. Even when you have reached the next stage, you have to work to maintain acceptance. Easy to fall off the wagon and return to a state of bitterness.
I wish you well.